Deliverance from Darkness Posing as Light
The testimony of Esther Ruth
“Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. For there shall arise false christs, and false prophets, and shall show great signs and wonders, insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Behold, I have told you before. Wherefore, if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.” Matthew 24:23-27
By following a false christ into the desert and seeing signs and wonders, I have lived this Scripture passage. Praise be to God Who by His great mercy delivered me from the blinding delusion of darkness.
Background
During the late 80’s and throughout the 90’s, I was being caught up in the apparition phenomenon going on around the world. It seemed as if “Mary” was appearing to give directions to “her children” before the end came. It was explained that only those under the protection of Mary would be saved, that her Son was sending her before him to announce His coming. For centuries this has been the carefully devised myth within the Roman Catholic church.
Mary had been elevated to a position equal to her Son. In the minds of those of us who were controlled by Rome, we were honoring the “Mother of God”, not worshiping her. Theologians explained away the second commandment “Thou shalt not make unto thee any carved image” ¦Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them” ¦” Exodus 20: 4a & 5a. Who were we to question those who had been appointed as the “descendents of Peter and the Apostles”? Didn’t Scripture tell us that Jesus had appointed Peter to be the rock upon which His church is established?
A friend who traveled to Fatima, Lourdes, and Medjugore began to educate me further about Mary. I listened attentively as she told me that Mary was appointed dispenser of all grace. Jesus died for our sins, but He gave Mary the power to dispense the grace He had obtained for us on Calvary. As my friend continued, I was more deeply drawn into Rome’s web of deception. This false teaching blinded me to the truth of 1 Timothy 2:5 “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man, Christ Jesus.”
Idolatry
Messages of “Mary” from Medjugorje, Fatima, Garabandal, Conyers, La Salette and many other places contributed to my participation in idolatrous thinking and practices. Dwelling in the “immaculate heart of Mary” was presented as the only protection from the wrath of God. This “Mary of the apparitions” was replacing Jesus in the minds of those who has been seduced by her siren song.
Soon “Mary” began to appear in my own locale as “our lady of light”. This apparition supposedly told a seer that she would appear at St. Joseph’s Church in Cold Springs, Kentucky at midnight on August 31, 1992. Those of us who were “in on” this event eagerly waited for “Mary” to come down from heaven to dispense her grace upon us. Come, she did, with lights and sensations and visions; with power that turned medals and rosaries golden in color. Many described the event as a “light show”.
Video tapes and pictures of these lights were mass produced. The “messages” of the apparition were published in books to be spread around the world. Only a donation was requested for these materials in order to keep it a non-profit organzation. Money came flooding in from all around the world and people came in busloads. The bishop and the local government were angry. Word spread that their anger was a test of our faith. Would we listen to the bishop and the local government officials or would we listen to the “Mother of God”? This “Mary” of the apparitions won hands down with those who were becoming more entangled in the myth.
Since I was scheduled to work on August 31, 1992 and believed God could reach me wherever I was, I did not attend this first “light show”. Although I knew God was everywhere and I did not need to experience an apparition or go on a pilgrimage to find Him, I was enticed by the messages and manifestations of the apparitions. I read messages from Medjugorje and many other other places claiming to be receiving messages from Heaven. My friend brought me a video of the “light show” which I played all through the year thinking it was something very special. The video together with continually watching Mother Angelica on TV, reading messages from all around the world and getting caught up with a circle of people who were “in on” apparitions all contributed to drawing me more deeply into spiritual darkness.
We had not heard what Jeremiah had said in chapter 7:17-20 about the queen of heaven: “Seest thou not what they do in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem? The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger. Do they provoke me to anger? saith the Lord. Do they not provoke themselves to the confusion of their own faces? Therefore thus says the Lord God, Behold, mine anger and my fury shall be poured out upon this place, upon man, and upon beast, and upon the trees of the field, and upon the fruit of the ground; and it shall burn and shall not be quenched.”
These words of Scripture struck me like a bolt of lightning when I first read them. I was convicted of worshipping the queen of heaven as described in Jeremiah. This was the work of the Holy Spirit because with the conviction of my sin I was offered the grace to turn from idolatrous worship of “Mary” who had falsely been given the title “Mother of God”. Mary is Mother only of the humanity of Jesus Christ, the unique God-Man. In His Deity He is without beginning. Despite years of brainwashing in the church of Rome, the power of the Holy Spirit gave me an understanding of the Word of God. Although there would still be a long pursuit through the darkness before the truths of God’s Word would set me free from Rome, her vise-like grip was beginning to loosen.
The Pope was traveling all over the world meeting with heads of state and giving praise to “Mary”. People came from everywhere just to kiss his feet. Youth Conferences were being organized around the world to carry on the work of the Pope with enthusiasm and zeal. All ages were being led to give to “Mary”, the homage due to God alone. As spiritual leader of the church of Rome, the pope was leading all members of his flock into consecrating themselves to “Mary”. He was often seen kneeling before statues of “Mary” while praying to her. He led his subjects to bow their knees to images said to be the “Mother of God”. He gave credit to “Mary’s” intervention when his life was spared in an assassination attempt. I falsely reasoned that if the Pope was leading us to bow before statues and consecrate ourselves to the “immaculate heart of Mary”, this must be what God would have us do. After all, the Pope was appointed to be the head of the church on earth.
“Messages from Heaven”
By this time, I was attending daily mass, spending lots of time in eucharistic adoration, and praying my rosary throughout the day. But, thanks be to God, I still read my Bible daily; I loved the Scriptures. The Lord used His Word to keep my soul from being completely closed to truth.
Several people began to emerge from this apparition phenomenon as receiving major messages from Heaven. There was a woman who had received the original message telling her of “our lady of light”. Another woman said she was led to a farm in Falmouth, Kentucky by a voice from heaven and a Jesuit theologian said he had seen “Mary” appear on August 31, 1992. He said he was receiving messages from Jesus and Mary to renew the priesthood, the church, and the world. Various other visionaries crept out of the woodwork hearing voices and having visions. The web was intricately woven to capture as many as possible as “voices” gathered followers from far and wide.
A multitude of books with messages from “Heaven” were published. Then, the visionaries began fighting among one another. Each tried to say his/her messages were the only authentic ones. Others were said to be messages received from satan to counteract their messages – this became the war cry of the visionaries in their power struggle. At the same time, messages from “our lady of light” were put out not to talk about one another. “She” was saying all of the gossip was attempting to destroy “her work” in this area. “But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. 26 If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?” Matthew 12: 25-26 NKJV
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12
I tried to stay out of the infighting and to focus on God. During daily mass and while in eucharistic adoration I spent time contemplating Jesus. I did not like the battles and shunned being with the in crowd who seemed to be caught up in their own importance. The visionary I was eventually enticed into following also spent lots of time in eucharistic adoration. Many said it was strange that she would tremble as she sat before the eucharist. I felt sorry for her because I saw her as being “picked on”. She would often come into the chapel with her hair all disheveled and her coat having lots of lint all over it. I thought she needed help. I did not like the attitude of those who would talk about her. At that time I did not think it was possible for anyone to be possessed before the eucharist. Now, as I look back, I know that this could be true.
Eucharistic adoration is idolatry. How can Jesus be present body, blood, soul and divinity in the eucharist when Scripture clearly tells us that His body is in Heaven sitting at the right hand of the Father? Only with the leading of the Holy Spirit through the Scriptures have I been able to acknowledge this. In the past I would never have dared to think such a thing. Scripture tells us that worshipping anything made by human hands is idolatry. Isaiah 2:8 “Their land also is full of idols; they worship the work of their own hands, that which their own fingers have made:” God’s Word also tells us that Jesus died for our sins, was resurrected on the third day and ascended into Heaven. Acts 1:9-11 “And when He had spoken these things, while they beheld, He was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight. And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as He went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel; Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen Him go into heaven.”
Before His second coming Jesus Himself told us that many would come telling us that they are the Christ and they will work great signs and wonders, enough to fool the elect if that were possible. He told us not to go into the desert following after these false christs and not to go into the secret chambers. Jesus knew about those who would try to lead us astray with false “messages” presenting another gospel and another “Jesus”. Matthew 24:4 “And Jesus answered and said to them: “Take heed that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many.” Matthew 24:11 “Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many.” Matthew 24:23-27 “Then if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ!’ or ‘There!’ do not believe it. For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand. Therefore if they say to you, ‘Look, He is in the desert!’ do not go out; or ‘Look, He is in the inner rooms!’ do not believe it. For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.”
Chosen to come out of the darkness
During the recruitment phase of being enticed into following the false prophetess, I was told she was receiving messages never heard before from “Jesus”. These messages were to make the Scriptures plain and to renew the priesthood, the church and the world. Coupled with the writings of the Jesuit theologian, these messages would be spread all over the world. Priests were the primary targets for this “movement” for they were the ones most important to the continuation of the “daily sacrifice”. Without the priests, Jesus would no longer be present to us in the eucharist. We were told the world would enter into darkness, if the priests were not renewed through the messages of the false prophetess and the writings of the Jesuit theologian.
Lay people would be recruited from around the world to start prayer groups for priests. This would be a grass roots effort. The voice channeled through the false prophetess that called itself “Jesus” would give explicit instructions regarding what we must do. We would be responsible for initiating the reign of the sacred heart on earth. The Jesuit theologian had been named by the visionary receiving the messages from “our lady of light”. The “our lady of light” voice told a seer that this priest was to be the spiritual director of a vital ministry to renew the priesthood, the church and the world. He would be the one responsible for discerning the authenticity of messages received by all “visionary/locutionists” involved in his specific ministry. The voices received by the Jesuit priest were dictating prayers to be said for the renewal of the priesthood. He was to write a newsletter to be sent to every priest in the world to initiate their renewal so the world would be kept from darkness. There was a world-wide web of interconnectedness of “visionary/locutionists”. Most of them had been to Medjugorje. Many had begun receiving “locutions” (channeled messages) at Medjugorje or shortly after returning from this place of apparitions. Many had been avid followers of Nancy Fowler of Conyers, Georgia.
The “prayer group to pray for priests” developed into a most time consuming venture as the voice demanded more and more time from us. It was not the simple commitment I had thought it would be when I joined. Initially, we met once a week to recite the prayers which had been dictated to the spiritual director via his voices. We would then recite the rosary during which the false prophetess would receive “locutions” and deliver them to the group in attendance. The channeled voices were usually identified as “Jesus”. At times, this voice would identify itself as “Mary”. Other times it would identify itself as “God the Father”. Often the groups would last for over three hours because of the volume of messages received. As this woman would have visions, she would describe them to us. Often others in the group would have visions as well. Statues would light up, move and even bleed at times. Often they would cry. It was as if we were under a spell which caused me to think that I was in the holiest of all places.
I didn’t realize what was really happening until I had been delivered by the Blood of Jesus and my mind was cleansed by His Word clearing the fog of these magical influences. During the initial phases of this group, the channeled voice would bombard us with words of its unconditional love for us. This is part of the recruitment phase. The hooks are thrown out to catch the fish who are gullible enough to bite. The bait was a channeled voice identifying itself as “Jesus”. It told us of its love for us and how it needed us to bring about the reign of the sacred heart. The signs and wonders accompanying all of this were powerful. In cult building terminology, this is called “love bombing”.
Building a Tower of Babel
Often this voice would speak in a whisper so low that one would have to strain to be able to hear the important message. These whispers were like lulls leading our prayer group into the twilight zone of the spell. After my deliverance from this cult, I was astonished when I read this Scripture: “And thou shalt be brought down, and shalt speak out of the ground, and thy speech shall be low out of the dust, and thy voice shall be, as of one that hath a familiar spirit, out of the ground, and thy speech shall whisper out of the dust.” Isaiah 29:4. The voice I heard whispering from the dust was that of a demonic spirit.
Sometimes the voice would get very loud. Sometimes it would sound pathetic enough to almost break your heart. Often it would say that many had been called; but few had been chosen. We believed we had been chosen and given the “privilege” many throughout the centuries desired – the mission of ushering in the “reign of the sacred heart”. Names of the chosen in attendance were often called out making one feel special to “God”, one of the “elite”. Oftentimes the voice said that we were few in number and had to work even harder because many had refused the call. The implication was that those who had refused to join the “ministry” or to obey the messages were refusing “God”.
Scriptures were twisted and distorted to present meanings not intended by God. The Word of God was maligned by the father of lies. This insidious process step by slow and deliberate step wove lies that subtly twisted truth. Themes of the Good Shepherd calling His sheep were used leading us to follow the self-appointed “hired hands”, not the Good Shepherd. Attempting to imitate God, Mary, angels or saints, the voice of the deceiver entices, is heavenly sounding and often accompanied by signs and wonders.
Often the voice quoted Scriptures referring to light, causing most to think that this voice was, indeed, from Jesus. Rather, it was from the angel who had once been called Lucifer (angel of light); but is now called satan because he fell from Heaven. Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:13-15: “For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.”
As we attended the prayer groups listening to this voice channeled through the false prophetess, we thought we were entering more deeply into the mystery of God. Instead we were entering more deeply into another realm, the mystery of gnosticism (receiving secret knowledge that enlightens). The false prophetess often told us that we were receiving “lights” so that we could understand the messages. Our minds were being taken over not by a voice from God, but by the father of lies who is out to deceive as many as possible in these last days. We thought we were climbing the ladder to Heaven; but we were erecting, once again, a Tower of Babel and climbing the staircase of pride.
We began to think ourselves as more special than any of God’s other children on earth. The voice told us that we were the creme de la cr ƒ ¨me; we were being given more graces than others had ever received throughout all time because we were ushering in the new era, the reign of the “sacred heart”. The voice told us that the priest was closer to God than anyone had ever been. Something did not seem right about all this talk of closeness to God. However, I still thought that Jesus would work it all out to His glory. He is doing that; but not in the way I expected at the time. His grace continues to amaze me every day.
In time, I quit my job, dispensed with most of my belongings and moved to the first property purchased by this group. This property would be the international headquarters for the worldwide movement. Eventually an order of priests and nuns would be established we were told. All was being arranged in an organized manner by the voice. The voice named those it wanted for jobs in its “ministry”. Our assignments told us exactly what to do with almost every moment of our day. During that time, I believed the priest and the false prophetess had the “inside scoop on God’s will for me.
At first the voice of the false prophetess called us prayer group members, gradually it began to call us shepherds. Initially, only priests were called shepherds; but now those who followed the voice were elevated to this position. After some time being called shepherds, the voice began calling us apostles. Before this change in titles for the members of the group, only bishops were called apostles. After the Lord delivered me from the ensnarement of the cult, I encountered someone who told me that the members closest to the “visionary” were now being called saints.
Once delivered from this cult, I began avidly studying cult structure. I realized that, with the title of saint, the members could now be persuaded to do anything the voice told it to do while believing they would not suffer eternal consequences; but would be rewarded in Heaven for unconditional obedience. This is the point at which cults become most dangerous because violence is excused if done for the good of the group. This was the thinking of the Roman church when the inquisition was instituted. This was also the thinking of the cult of the Restoration of the Ten Commandments in Uganda when the people were called to the chapel for an urgent message from “Mary” – the chapel was sealed and ignited with kerosene and the members all went up in flames. Thinking they were pleasing God, they were really following a false gospel. This was the thinking of Jim Jones just before the mass suicide/murders occurred. Evil justifies itself by claiming to be God. Then begins the climb up the ladder of pride followed by justifying hatred of all outside the “chosen” group, even murder is justified as the Name of God is taken in vain. This same reasoning is the justification for Jihad (holy wars).
Tightening the Bondage
After moving into the cult headquarters, my life was scrutinized day and night. I had no personal freedom. Every thought, word and deed was dictated by messages coming from the voice. Sometimes these messages were given to me privately as the “visonary/locutionist” channeled the spirit who called itself “Jesus”, sometimes they were in the messages of the rosaries as the themes of the channeled spirit were said to apply to certain individuals who had been given specific tasks by the voice and sometimes they were in written form as the false prophetess received messages through automatic writing.
A typed list of petitions were to be said hourly as long as the members of the inner circle of the false prophetess were awake “or the movement would collapse and the reign of the sacred heart” would not occur. This list grew until there were over 38 petitions to be read every hour by the time of my deliverance. In addition to these petitions, every 3 hours the prayers written by the priest were added to the must do list. Gradually more and more words to read and “prayers” to be said at a certain time and in just the right format were added. It was emphasized that every word was important in the prayers. They could not be changed. In witchcraft, the words have to be pronounced exactly and at just the right time so that the demons can be called up. Even then I recalled this Scripture from Matthew 23:14 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation.” I often told those closest to me that I had prayers in my heart which I could not get out because of the words the spirit commanded me to recite. I had prayers in my heart; but my heart was being clogged with an abundance of neurotic formulae.
Daily mass was a must (eventually twice daily mass was strongly encouraged). Daily eucharistic adoration for at least an hour was also required as well as daily readings from books “given” to the false prophetess by the voice and daily listening to tapes of the voice. The list grew and grew of things to do to please this “god” of the false prophetess and the priest. Special days were set aside with special prayers to be said in honor of such things as the dates of the appearances of our lady of Fatima. After my deliverance from the bondage of the cult this Scripture leaped off the page to me: “Hear the word of the Lord, you rulers of Sodom; give ear to the law of our God, you people of Gomorrah: ” ˜ To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices to Me?’ says the Lord. ” ˜I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of fed cattle. I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs or goats. When you come to appear before Me, who has required this from your hand, to trample My courts? Bring no more futile sacrifices; incense is an abomination to Me. The New Moons, the Sabbaths, and the calling of assemblies– I cannot endure iniquity and the sacred meeting. Your New Moons and your appointed feasts My soul hates; they are a trouble to Me, I am weary of bearing them. When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will not hear. Your hands are full of blood’.” Isaiah 1:10-15
More and more this “god” was beginning to look like an ogre instead of the God of the Bible. As I was traveling to the new center assigned to me by the voice after being inducted into the newly established religious order, it occurred to me that this “god” being channeled seemed to be under the control of the false prophetess and was so very small compared to Yahweh, the Almighty God of the Scriptures. This “god” was bigger than me but inifinitely smaller than the God of the Scriptures, the Creator of Heaven and earth. This turning point for me was made possible by grace. I praise God for His mercy and grace offered to me while I was living in idolatry. “But God commendeth his love toward us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 When Jesus gave His life on the Cross of Calvary so long ago, He knew me and where I would wander.
The Scripture: “I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.” John 10:14 was quoted routinely so members would think that the voice came from Jesus and He was shepherding us through this “ministry”. The voice would also call out names of those present to make them think they were being called by Jesus to a special role in the cult.
My grandmother had often quoted the following verses to me when I was a child:
“For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost. What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying? And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray. Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.” Matthew 18:11-14 God planted these Words in my heart. As powerful as the demonic spirit is, it could not remove this truth.
Gradually the concept that we were not to read any materials other than the materials published by this cult was introduced. All communication with the outside world was being taken away; we were not to listen to anything other than the tapes of the cult, no radio, no television, no other tapes were permitted. Step by step we were being isolated from everyone except the cult members. Our families and friends were labeled as “being operated by Satan to destroy the movement”. Anyone who was anyone to “god” would have joined this cult the voice told us. Those who did not join were described as not pleasing to God and so He had not sent them the grace to recognize this “movement” as “His family”.
Sado-Masochism
Anyone who even slightly questioned the “movement” was labeled a persecutor. Persecution themes were established in the minds of the members to cause them to think they were being persecuted for following Jesus. Family members who were distressed with the loss of their loved ones to the cult were labeled persecutors. Those members who listened to their distressed relatives were said to have fallen under the influence of satan. The voice told us that we would have to suffer and that the multitude of things to be done to earn “God’s grace” were to build up our armor for the spiritual warfare we would encounter with the ushering in of the new era. The voice, calling itself jesus, talked about us being bruised and beaten to build us into strong soldiers in his army.
Any complaining was frowned upon by the leaders. Those who were perceived to be complaining were soon met with condemning messages channeled through the false prophetess and upheld by the priest. These messages would give the formula for being restored to the grace of the voice. If these messages were not heeded, the culprit was told by the channeled voice that s/he would be attacked by satan and run into the flames of hell at high speed. This method greatly cut down the complaining. Many members seemed to thrive in this environment in a masochistic way. Others seemed to thrive on being placed into positions of power and thrilled to be able to wield their power over those placed under them.
Many members talked about suffering for others in the “movement”. They actually did suffer. Once, I did too. The priest told me that I had the “internal stigmata”. I realize now this name was conjured up to keep me suffering and subservient to the dictators of the cult, a spiritual form of masochism. Once I was delivered from the cult I recalled John 10:10: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” I was also convicted by 1 Corinthians 13:1-3: “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.”
Following my deliverance, I realized I had been following the thief who was calling himself “Jesus”, taking the Name of God in vain for his own glory and deceiving the sheep into self destruction and worship of idols. When I realized that Jesus was the only mediator between God and man, I understood that I could never suffer to earn grace for others. This kind of thinking denies the sufficiency of the Blood of Jesus. John 19:30 “So when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.” John 17:1-5 “Jesus spoke these words, lifted up His eyes to heaven, and said: “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You, as You have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do. And now, O Father, glorify Me together with Yourself, with the glory which I had with You before the world was.” (underlining added)
Once delivered from this demonic bondage, I realized that I had been a foolish sheep following a hired hand instead of the Good Shepherd. Without understanding what I was doing, I had made myself into a little “god” thinking my works could somehow stay the hand of God and save souls. Only Jesus can save souls. He saves through His Work on the Cross accomplished once for all. (Hebrews 10:10). There is nothing anyone can do to earn grace. Jesus did it all. Grace is the unmerited favor of God freely given to the undeserving.
Leaders of the cult were channeling voices that were not from Heaven. They held all power over those who had come under their influence. They had become “gods” to their subjects. Twice in my presence the channeled voice delivered a message through the false prophetess during the recitation of the rosary saying, “You will become disciples of satan.” At the time I thought this was just a slip of the tongue caused by human error, now I believe it was an unmasking of the serpent behind the voice.
Galations 2:21 “I do not make void the grace of God; for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.” To deny the sufficiency of the one time sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross for our sins is an attempt to make void the grace of God and replace it by works prescribed by the church of Rome, demonic spirits and man-made systems.
The prophetess who channeled the voice increasingly began to demand unconditional obedience to her every whim. She had become a goddess in her mind and demanded worship. Although I thought she was receiving messages from Jesus, I did not think she was a goddess. She may have realized that I was not worshipping her because she began to clamp down on me more and more with severe punishments until God made a way for me to escape.
The voice channeled through the prophetess repeatedly told us that we must unconditionally obey the messages channeled through her, the priest and the male lay leader of the “ministry” who was given the title of president. Members came to learn that this meant that these three were never to be questioned for they had been given the authority of God. These three functioned as an ungodly counterfeit trinity. Any who questioned were punished through messages.
After my deliverance, Romans 6:16 convicted my heart of the sin of obeying the words of man above the Word of God: “Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?”
Who is in Control?
The foremost purpose of the group was to renew the priesthood. According to their beliefs, “Jesus” would not be present on this earth without priests. Priests were needed to channel “Jesus” into the eucharist. The implication was that if the priests were gone, God would disappear from the earth. Thus, priests were in control of God; they were set up to be more powerful than God. Priests had been elevated to a position of being necessary for Jesus to come into this earth; they were channelers just as the false prophetess was, set up to manipulate God. I was grieved to come to this undertanding. The very thing I held so dearly, the eucharist, had been misrepresented by the church of Rome. I had to let go of my old understanding knowing that it was false and dishonoring God.
There was no choice for me. It was either let go of the illusion of the eucharist or stay under the spell of Rome. If I truly wanted to live according to truth, I had to come out from among them as I read 2 Corinthians 6:11-18 “O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to you, our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections. Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open. 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ” ˜I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people’. Therefore ” ˜Come out from among them and be separate’, says the Lord. ” ˜Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters’, Says the Lord Almighty.” I was deeply grieved when I realized the blasphemy I had participated in. How unfathomable the mercy of God to have delivered one such as I!
Sometime while I was living in the house owned by the cult and under the scrutiny of those the voice had placed in charge of me, the Holy Spirit inspired me to only think on those things right and good. I would sleep with the light on in my room because the “director” of the center who had been the one to whom I was to be unconditionally obedient could be extremely cruel. He would enter my room without so much as a knock on the door. He had no manners and seemed to think I was his personal property. I did not know what to expect next from him. In this desperate situation I had no one to turn to except Jesus. If I were to disobey any order from this man, it would get immediately back to the “visionary/locutionist” who would come up with a message from her spirit giving me a severe punishment.
After dozing for brief periods of time, I would awaken in a sweat and jot down Scripture verses that would come to my mind. Doing this would help keep my focus on those things “right and good” instead of the evil I was sensing all around me. I would dwell on the promises of God and not on the seeming hopelessness of my situation.
My daughter was beside herself knowing that I was indeed in a cult. She would call daily and insist the director let me talk to her though he was extremely rude to her. She was trying to talk sense into me; but I was not too sensible at the time. I dared not tell her there was anything amiss although she knew it. The messages said that we could not talk to anyone about anything we saw amiss or the reign of the sacred heart would not come. We had been brainwashed into believing that what we saw was what the devil had caused us to see and this was not really the way it was. I truly did not believe that; but I knew I was trapped. Not knowing where to turn, I turned to Jesus asking Him to fix what was wrong with this “ministry”; I still thought it had originated from Him and something had gone wrong somewhere. He did not fix the “movement”; but He did fix me. He delivered me from among them. He then restored me through the truth of His Word.
Permission Granted
While dwelling in that secret keeping cult, this Scripture would come to my mind from Luke 8:17: “For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light.”
I had asked for permission to visit my daughter one Mother’s Day. She was deeply grieved and feared for my welfare. She had seen me change into someone she did not know and she was deeply concerned. The president firmly told me the priest said I could not leave to visit my daughter. My heart was broken; but I dared not complain or this “jesus” of theirs would send me a punishment. I had to be obedient without question according to the messages. I began to silently cry, the wind was knocked out of me and I felt as if I would faint. I told this man that I was sorry I was crying; but my daughter was hurting and that grieved my soul.
This man then began to shout at me saying: “Your daughter has a bad relationship with Jesus! If you have a good relationship with Jesus, you can go out and buy a machine gun and gun down everyone in sight and you will still have a good relationship with Jesus!” Those words pierced my heart. I knew I dare not respond or my daughter’s life would be in danger. Though it looked to me as if there was no way out I silently prayed for help for both myself and my daughter. I did not tell anyone in the group about this conversation because by this time the members had all learned to report to the “visionary/locutionist”, priest or president of the group if any member spoke against them.
The voice had given messages about me to certain strategic others. In the stages of cult development, the group had progressed to the point of reporting any infractions of
group rules. This kept peer pressure on the ones not trusted in order to make them conform to the group or be ostracized. If one were brainwashed enough, you would believe that leaving the group would be turning your back on God. This belief could lead to debaucherous living, suicide or any number of assorted evils. The prophecies of the devil attacking those who left the group would then become self fulfilling prophecies. Mind control in the cult was deadly sophisticated in taking the Name of God in vain!
One night after Mother’s Day as I was dozing, it came to me that I had to call the priest early the next morning and ask his permission to visit my daughter before the president or the false prophetess could get wind of it. The false prophetess could not go against the priest once he had given permission. I knew the exact words to say to him; it was my only chance. The priest gave me permission to visit my family. Before I left, the three (the false prophetess, the president and the priest) came for their monthly visit. I knew the false prophetess would bring a message obtained through automatic writing from this “jesus” of hers; but I also knew the Holy Spirit would direct me and I would know what to do. Therefore, I did not dwell on it.
The typed message received through automatic writing by the “visionary/locutionist” was given to me. I took the priest aside and repeated the reason I needed to visit my daughter. I told him that I sincerely wanted to be in the will of God; but how could I be a mother superior to an order of nuns if I could not be a mother to my own daughter. He thought for a minute and then said to me: “Go with my permission.” He said this to me three times before I left. This priest who stood behind all of the false prophetess’ messages, even the most cruel, went against her message this time. I believe that it was God’s will that I leave and nothing could stop His will from being done. The priest had no choice but to give me permission.
I now recall these Words of Life from Scripture: Isaiah 55:6-13 “Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the Lord, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. “For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. “For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree, And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree; And it shall be to the Lord for a name, For an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.” (underlining added)
Freedom from Bondage
On the trip back home, it seemed as if God were parting the Red Sea before me. I knew in my heart that I had been saved by grace alone; nothing I had done could have earned my deliverance. Only the Blood of Jesus could free me from bondage to the evil one.
Once I arrived back home, I removed my habit. This was only the first step in the battle to be delivered from the darkness posing as the light. I spent the first year frequently waking with night terrors. I knew God was with me and He would lead me through the terrors. He was in control and I trusted Him unconditionally. I knew I could not fight this battle alone. Only God could fight this battle for me and He had already won the victory at Calvary. There was no in between: I either had to walk in faith or succomb to fear. I chose to walk in faith. This is a commitment I renew daily.
When fear grips me, these Scriptures come to mind : Matthew 10:24-28 “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household! Therefore do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. “Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.”
Luke 1:68-74 “Blessed is the Lord God of Israel, For He has visited and redeemed His people, And has raised up a horn of salvation for us In the house of His servant David, As He spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets, Who have been since the world began, That we should be saved from our enemies And from the hand of all who hate us, To perform the mercy promised to our fathers And to remember His holy covenant, The oath which He swore to our father Abraham: To grant us that we, Being delivered from the hand of our enemies, Might serve Him without fear, In holiness and righteousness before Him all the days of our life.”
Time I spent awake at night was used to study about cults and I discovered that the “ministry” had all the hallmarks of a cult. I slept with a book about cults and the Bible at my side. When I would awaken with whisperings to go to the priest and throw myself on his mercy since that would be my only chance of not going to hell, I would be ready to act on that prompting. Such whisperings mimicked the Holy Spirit and were deceiving. Before getting ready to go to the priest, I would pick up my book about cults and reconfirm that the “ministry” was indeed a cult by applying the criteria. Then the whisperings would be still. I would then turn to the Scriptures and read God’s promises to deliver His unfaithful people. The Scriptures were food for my wounded spirit; they renewed my mind. God’s Word gave me hope while cleansing my mind from the lies that had enslaved me.
At this point, I still did not realize the Roman church was no different than the cult. I thought this cult was just an aberration and was out to destroy the church of Rome. I came to understand the dangers of this group and of all cults based on apparitions and messages throughout the world. I read a book about Medjugorje and the evil of that place. There was very little difference from the cult I had been in. The more I learned, the more I understood the depth of the evil. It was difficult to cope with this understanding; but I knew that only God could give me what I needed to know in His perfect timing and that He was with me through it all. He was teaching me a transforming life lesson. I grieved for those I had left behind and wanted to rescue them. I knew they could not hear me because they had been told that I was being operated by satan.
Several members were sent to try to call me back. They utilized threats at times; however, the threats were all in language only understood by cult members. Very few would understand me if I would tell them of the threats. To most, telling of these threats would make me seem paranoid. This was frustrating; but I realized God was teaching me and leading on the path He had prepared for me. He would show me where to go and with whom to speak and not to speak. There are some who have heard me and understand my plight. I thank God for those few. One woman was sent to “love bomb” me into returning to the cult. She initiated her involvement with me by telling me she had also left the cult. Eventually, I realized she was sent to call me back. I began to sense the danger of being involved with her. She was also taking information back to the cult. This woman was in charge of the pilgrim image of our lady of Guadalupe in this area. She told me she was receiving “messages” from our lady of Guadalupe. Through the time spent with her, I began to realize more clearly the outright idolatry of bowing to images. It seemed the Lord was gently leading me to give up more and more of the illusion of the church of Rome.
Eventually I gained the strength to write to the bishop. I talked to several priests, even one from the Vatican. None of them seemed to share my concern about the souls being lost. The bishop told me that “groups like these fizzle out in time”. I could not help but think that the Nazis did a lot of damage before they were stopped. It seemed bishops were more like politicians than shepherds, watching every word they said. The last time I spoke with the bishop I told him I believed the Holy Spirit worked through the bishops. As I said those words which I had once believed, they sounded like tin in my ears; I knew they were not true.
I kept close watch on what the Pope was doing thinking that if he only knew of these cults, he would put an end to them as would any good shepherd. I watched him as he placed a man who was a follower of Teilhard de Chardin (the father of the new age) in a high position with the finances in the Vatican. I watched him as he kissed the Koran – something many Christians were martyred for refusing to do. I realized that this was blatantly turning his back on Jesus. My heart was aching as I realized something was very wrong with this institution I had held so closely and so dearly. The leaders were clearly denying Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ is the Rock
My break with Rome came while I was walking through my dining room one day. I was suddenly convicted by the Holy Spirit of the meaning of Matthew 16:13-18: “When Jesus came into the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, saying, “Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?” So they said, “Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.” I realized Jesus did not mean that Peter was the rock; but that He, Jesus, was the Rock. Jesus was referring to Peter’s belief that He was the Messiah. Jesus told Peter that His church would be built upon faith in Him. Repeatedly throughout the Bible “Rock” refers to God not to Peter. Two examples are:
Deuteronomy 32:1-4 “Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak; And hear, O earth, the words of my mouth. Let my teaching drop as the rain, My speech distill as the dew, As raindrops on the tender herb, And as showers on the grass. For I proclaim the name of the Lord: Ascribe greatness to our God. He is the Rock, His work is perfect; For all His ways are justice, A God of truth and without injustice; Righteous and upright is He.”
1 Corinthians 10:1-4 “Moreover, brethren, I do not want you to be unaware that all our fathers were under the cloud, all passed through the sea, all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea, all ate the same spiritual food, and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them, and that Rock was Christ.” (underlining added)
With this clear understanding, I knew that I had to leave the church of Rome. I did a search on the internet for former Catholics and discovered Richard Bennett’s testimony. Richard is a former Roman Catholic priest from Ireland who through the Word of God and the gift of the Holy Spirit came to understand the lie of the Roman church. I cried tears of relief and joy because I was not alone in this world. It still took me over a year to write to him. When I did, he was most gracious and encouraged me to write my story.
It has been very difficult to write. I had to battle through the fear and the programming that told me for so many years that to speak out about the corruption in the church of Rome was evil and would send me to hell. The programming I had in the cult of the false prophetess was only a reinforcement of the programming I had had as a member of the church of Rome.
By the grace of God, I am a Christian now. I am not perfect. I am only a sinner saved by grace and declared righteous by faith in the work of Jesus on the Cross. I learn more from the Word of God every day. It is nourishment for my soul which hungered for truth and by God’s grace found it in the Scriptures. “Sanctify them through thy truth; thy word is truth.” John 17:17
I did nothing and could do nothing to earn or deserve the saving grace Jesus offered me. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God – not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 He took my sins upon Himself so that I could be freed from bondage to sin and the enticements of satan. “Who his own self bore our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness; by whose stripes we were healed.” 1 Peter 2: 24 There is no evil so great that Jesus cannot free us. “If the Son, therefore, shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” John 8: 36 Praise God for His faithfulness to His unfaithful people! “Faithful is he that calleth you, who will also do it.” 1 Thess 5:24
Jesus is the Rock upon which I stand, all other rock is sinking sand.
By His grace I proclaim what He has done for me.
